Desert of Shame (Warrior Princess Series)

Defeat’s salty tears sting as they flow over scars from the past. Reminders of failed attempts – my lack – bring me to the Desert of Shame. I didn’t need to go “there,” but I didn’t know where else to go. I’ve failed so often! How could The King possibly want me to be His ambassador?

Trust in The Lord (Warrior Princess Series)

Greetings, dear friends. I’m taking a break from my journey to share some truths our Beloved King shared with me recently, as promised.

I certainly hope that you are not disappointed by what I will share, as maybe you’ve already learned these truths. They are from old, and I’ve seen these words many times. Still, until The King opened my eyes, I was unable to perceive the fullness. That said, I beg your indulgence if you have already learned this in your daily training.

Ashamed

Ever feel ashamed? About something you did or didn’t do? Maybe you were wronged. It doesn't much matter whether it was in public or private: both feel horrible and can cause pain for decades. Reminders linger. Maybe it's limited your relationships, where you worship or even travel.

I don't know about you, but I’m tired of feeling ashamed.

Abba God, in His grace, has used the last decade to open my eyes to the causes of shame and the impact:

• it's too heavy to carry and creates stress in all facets of life. NOTHING like Jesus’ offer in Matt 11:28-30 (sin, trying to "do it" on my own),
• the value I’ve placed on what man thinks (sin),
• too much focus & frustration on forcing my “future” to happen, (sin. I wasn't abiding & trusting Abba.)
• perpetual, embarrassing "failure" in others' eyes; my life didn't fit others' cookie cutter molds. (sin. Wasn't focusing on pleasing Abba.)

Praise be to Abba God, for revealing truth! Even though I've been burdened, He offers me freedom and it's mine to receive.

Yes, as my closest friends have said (I'm sorry it too so long to grasp this...): 

I've cared for far too long and far too much about what others' think, when it comes to the matters of God. Yes, we mustn't be a stumbling block, but we must realize that our lives are going to look different from others' and that is OK!

This “stuff” has reigned way too long in my life. It’s gotta go! It's a new day. I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. It's time to move forward in truth. Even if I only pray the rest of my life and am used to do nothing apart from pray, that's God's business. I'm not on this earth to force things to happen, to become like anyone else, etc. I'm here to abide in Jesus and to please Abba, learning to listening to the whispers of His Spirit. Where He goes, I'll learn to go. When He tells me to stay, I will learn to stay. It won't be easy, but knowing Jesus is worth the price. 

Abba, Thank You for doing a work in my life through Jesus and your Spirit. Thank you for revealing truth to your little children. How humbling to know that You love me and give me what You don’t allow mighty rulers to have. Continue to train me up in truth, to continually convict me to lay aside earthly things and thoughts. Discipleship is costly, but oh! The treasure You have in store for those who seek after You. Nothing’s worth what You’re worth. May my eyes be locked on You and all that’s good, noble, beautiful, and true. In Jesus’ name…

Desperate. Hopeful.

2011 was TOUGH = deeper faith + stronger resolve. 

2012 = continued goals + vibrant hopes. 

I'm not a resolution girl, but I am daily forward-thinking. It's a blessing & troublesome trait.  

When I'm focused on Jesus, I can keep the past/present/future in proper perspective... and it's as if I'm walking on water like Peter in Matthew 14:26-33, NASB. 

The trouble comes when I find myself consistently focusing on ME. That's why so much of 2011, I found myself identifying with Sinking Peter as I cried out, "Lord! SAVE ME!!!" 

I don't want to live like that anymore. I don't want to sinfully focus on ME. The abundant living that Abba calls us to is much different than how I've been living. Surely, in any storm, walking on water with Jesus is less  tiresome than thrashing with crazy fear gripping your heart. 

I imagine Peter woke up the next morning, resolving to believe better. I know I do. I desperately long to walk in faith daily, being fully convinced that my Abba IS helping me: to love like Jesus, to live abundantly (with joy & hope), and to do the good works HE wants me to do. 

So, this year, my top daily goal is summed up in this equation: 

Each day + focus on Jesus = love + abundant life + EVERYTHING ABBA has planned for me.

Don't you find it interesting that Peter didn't ask Jesus to stop the storm before calling him out? What in the world was he thinking??? I wonder if he instinctively knew that being WITH Jesus in the middle of the storm is so much better than in our own?

Abba, I'm so glad you tell us Peter's story. You give me hope as I remember that he was molded  from weakness and flippancy into the strong, immovable rock of the church. His letters reflect a strong confidence in the power of Christ Jesus - to save and to change us. Thank you. I do believe, Abba. Help me in my unbelief... to believe and to focus on JESUS. In HIS name... 

Thanks & credit to Do Not Depart for the recent "Believing Better" series, which has greatly encouraged me and challenged me to persevere. Believing Better Series, on Do Not Depart

Have you been striving?

My dear child,

Have you been striving? Struggling?

Are you losing heart? Does today seem daunting?

Are you carrying a heavy burden? 

Would you like some rest? Peace? Calm in the storm?  

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For My yoke is easy… and My burden is light.”

With all my love,

Jesus

Do you see? Jesus is gentle. Do you see? He's humble. He does not look to crush you, sweet sister. Jesus loves you as you are. He loves you and longs to give you peace. Do you see His tender eyes longing for you to trust Him? He's holding out His hand for you.

Go ahead, let go of that load and take Jesus' hand.

Father, I have trouble remembering that I don’t have to live up to a set of rules and regulations. Thank you that Jesus’ teaching is simple: to love God and people. Help me remember the example of Mary, who spent time at Jesus' feet instead of striving to get everything just right in the kitchen. Thank you for not burdening me with heavy loads. In Jesus' name... 

Today’s verse: Matthew 11:28-30

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Aaron, you seem incredibly frustrated and discouraged lately.

Abba knows best.

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Inadequate? Yes I am, but...

I have been thinking about blogging for 1 year & 20 days. Wondering how I know? I found my first rough draft dated October 1st, 2010. The topic? Inadequacy. I still struggle with it, and I think I'm glad I do. Being "a mess" has caused me to lean on Christ Jesus more than I might otherwise.