“What did I do to deserve this?”

When troubles torment me, I mistakenly wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?”

I fall prey to lies, as the Pharisees did. Surely trouble only comes to those who have sinned. A man born blind was sinful from birth. Job’s friends believed this; and scholars claim they came before the Law. So, I at least have assurance that this thought is very, very old.  

However, it greatly bothers me that I think this way, because I know better. I know sunshine and rain fall on all people, regardless of their deeds. I know I don’t deserve anything good.

I’m a life-long student of the Word. I live on this side of Christ Jesus in history, have both Old and New Testaments to study, and all sorts of other resources! (I do not say any of this with any pride, but with great humility and frustration, because I STILL don’t get it - and YES, I mistakenly expect perfection in myself. Does anyone else relate?)  Scripture is clear.

Jesus was perfect. There was no blemish in his life. 

No sin.

He was pure, holy, righteousness, noble, good.

“But the LORD was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief;”

Isaiah 53:10

Abba God, I am grateful that you saved me through Jesus. Still, it is hard to accept that his cruel death was the only way to save me, AND that you are pleased to “crush” when it is the only way... Your ways are higher; your thoughts are deeper. Help me abide and trust when I can't comprehend (Abba, you KNOW how I crave context & to grasp a concept fully!). Give me courage to trust in darkness, knowing you DO know best. Let me always believe that my story will never, ever, ever end on a negative note. Jesus himself is the author and finisher/perfecter of my faith. Your Spirit helps me do the good works you planned long ago! So, when I leave this world I will be done with "my jobs" and face-to-face with my sweet Prince Jesus. It's in his precious name I pray...