I don't know, but He does.

"There's nothing I can tangibly do, beyond watch and pray."

I find myself saying this more regularly, and it bothers me. Not the words, but the condition of my heart. You see, I've been saying this with great despair and resignation. Fear whether God can truly provide and love those I care about in their time of need (or for myself, for that matter). 

Yes, I know Abba God is crazy in love with people. He sent His precious Son as proof. Yet I question His faithfulness. He has never betrayed me, instead He's lifted me up. He was able to raise Jesus from the dead, yet I question His ability to provide, protect, and transform His own into the image of Christ Jesus. How ludicrous I must sound! 

Yet, I know I'm not alone in the struggle to trust God. Job and his friends struggled in the waiting. Abraham took matters into His own hands more than once. Peter cut off a man's ear. Moses struck the rock. Jesus' mother and brothers tried to control Him. The Bible lists many who struggled with faith. Hope of promises unseen. Love toward strangers (Can you imagine being told to love unclean Gentiles as a Jew?). Yes, the struggle is common. At least I don't have to feel too embarrassed for my lack of faith. Still, I'm sad that I am so quick to misjudge God's love or ability when I don't see Him act fast enough...  

Abba God, I'm dumbfounded when I consider how patiently You watch me and wait for me to just settle down and abide. I suppose I prefer fumbling around down here because it gives me the false sense of control. Truly, all I need is You and I'd be much more at peace if I simply rested in your presence. Give me the courage to believe that You do hear my prayers and are faithful to act on behalf of those who are your own. Thank You for faithfully reminding me of this truth: "I don't know the answer, but I know the One who does." Thank You for always bearing with me and loving me in spite of my attitude or lack of faith. You are holy and true, noble and pure. I know deep inside that I can trust You. Thank You for sending Jesus to be my Beloved and for the promise that He will return for me! In His name...