On those morning, my heart cries out
to the Lord (I'm not brave enough to see my husband's reaction if I
cried out loud!):
Father,
help! I got nothing... I'm already sinning and I'm too tired to fight. Help
me accept Your love because I'm already ashamed and it's not even 7 am yet.
Help me love with Your love, because I have nothing to give today, unless You
help me! I'm desperate!!!
Time was of the essence... (I'll spare you the
whys).
I turn on some
Christian radio, hoping for a gentle reminder of God's love. After my heart
melts a little (it was very hard!), a
woman shares how God encouraged her in the midst of her battle with
infertility, through a song. He story encourages - and bothers - me. I ask The Lord, "WHY? Why do you allow Your children to face such
hardships?" [Yes, I know what the Bible says about this, but I obviously
still didn't "understand."]
Now, before I
continue, you must understand something about me. My brain flies through
tangents and topics at high speeds, making connections and leaps that actually scare my husband at times (while I'm amused).
Poor guy is so left-brained... Anyway, my mind is so overrun with images and
thoughts that it might resemble the chaos of Times Square if it were laid out
for all to see. So, when my thoughts suddenly came to an abrupt halt, which they did...
That got this girl's attention! Then this verse
scrolls across the mental screen.
"...He
causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the
righteous and the unrighteous." -
Matt.hew5:45, NASB
Oh wow...
I had NO idea that I was working off
the wrong assumption that somehow, we believers should be exempt
from the hardest trials. [Honestly, where do I come up with this stuff?] Reality is that life is hard for
the "good" and the "bad." When our first ancestors sinned, all of us were doomed to face off with
trouble.
God makes ALL the difference, and wastes NOTHING.
In those trials, we who follow Jesus have a loving Father who's always with us, always watching over us, providing what we need, and who gives us assurance that NONE of our pain, tears, or
struggles are wasted.
"...
we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love
God, to those who are called according to His purpose…. God is for us… He who
did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not
also with Him freely give us all things?
- portions of Romans 8:26-31"
I am humbled, and my heart-cry becomes:
Lord,
why me? How is it that You love me so much?
I don't deserve Your love, Your help, Your grace…
"Amazing love,
how can it be?" As Peter cried after walking
on water (and nearly drowning). so I cry:
“Go
away from me Lord, for I am a sinful [human]!” - Luke5:8, NASB
Isn't that just like our Father?
Father,
thank You that as we seek Your face, You teach us just how much we don't know
and do not deserve. Thank You for being with us always, for Your Spirit who
counsels and prays for us, and for Your Son who intercedes and who understands
fully the trials we face. Make us thirst for you more each day. We long to be
who You've created us to be, for Your glory. In Jesus' name…
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